You may remember meeting your best friend on the playground or making friends in French class during your growing up years. As adults, we don’t have systems built in to make friends like we did as children. We can’t even reach out to loved ones for help, because while it’s socially acceptable to say “I’m looking for a romantic partner,” regretfully its not always considered socially acceptable to say “I’m looking for a best friend.” If you want to find a friend as an adult, it’s going to be a lot like finding a romantic partner.
Finding Friends as an Adult Tip 1: Envision Your Friend
Think about what kind of person your friend would be. Think back to your childhood friends and what made them fun to hang out with. Should your friend be extroverted or introverted? Should they love the outdoors or be a movie buff? Look for qualities in your friend similar to the way you’d look for qualities in a partner.
Tip 2: Go Where Your Friend Would Be
Now that you know what kind of person your friend would be, think about what that person would be doing. Where are they on the weekends? Where do they shop or like to go out to eat? Go to those different places. If you’re an outdoorsy person and want an outdoor-loving friend, find outdoor meetups. Try a hiking or walking group, or sign up for a new fitness class. Keep in mind as you test the waters that you won’t find your friend on your first outing. Just as when you’re looking for a partner, more often than not it takes more than just one try. It will likely take a bit of time and searching.
Finding Friends as an Adult Tip 3: The Big Ask
When you’re ready to ask out your potential new friend, a great way to get a “yes” is to invite them to a favourite, or to something new. For example, invite your friend to go watch your favourite sports team or over to your house to cook your favourite recipe. You can also invite them to play a new board game, or out to watch a new movie.
Tip 4: Stoke the Fire
You’ll need to nurture your budding friendship by spending more time together. Just as in dating, take it slow and steady, and don’t take anything too seriously at first. Too much too fast could set you up for a friendship that’s not going to work, or might make the other person feel smothered.
You can deepen the friendship by working on goals together. Find out what your friend dreams about. How can you help them meet their goals? How can they help you with yours? Maybe they can help you get ready for your upcoming play, and maybe you can help them organize their garage. Find ways to work on things together.
Do you find yourself struggling in social situations? A licensed therapist can help you overcome shyness and improve your social interactions. Reach out today, and let’s schedule a time to talk.