In this blog I am diving into how negative family beliefs and mottoes can evolve into personal negative self-beliefs. Providing examples, I’ll explore how these deep-seated beliefs can develop and, over time, affect a person’s life.
What Are Family Beliefs and Mottoes?
Family beliefs reflect the core values held by a family. Family mottoes, on the other hand, are specific repeated statements that reinforce those beliefs. When these beliefs and mottoes are positive, they can help foster healthy self-beliefs and a balanced worldview. However, when negative beliefs and mottoes take root, they can create long-lasting negative psychological effects.
The Power of Negative Family Beliefs and Mottoes
Certain negative statements repeated by family members can become ingrained as a “family motto.” Over time, these negative beliefs and mottoes shape how children perceive themselves and the world around them. Even if they don’t fully internalize the negative messages, every family member is affected to some degree.
In a family dynamic, siblings might even use these beliefs and mottoes against one another, not because they inherently dislike each other, but because they’ve been conditioned to do so. Each sibling’s nervous system has been influenced by the same negative beliefs, often leading to negative behaviors that reinforce those beliefs.
Think of it like this: negative family beliefs become a collectively held mindset that each family member carries, whether they agree with it or not. These beliefs and mottoes are often at odds with one another, creating tension and pain within the family. For instance, one family member may have an inherent advantage or privilege while another is at a disadvantage. This results in a dynamic where one member holds power or control, while the other feels powerless.
How Negative Family Beliefs and Mottoes Transform into Personal Beliefs
Over time, these negative family beliefs and mottoes can become deeply ingrained in a person’s self-belief system. It’s almost as though the nervous system is programmed to accept these beliefs as truth. As a result, the person starts to adopt these negative beliefs as their own, even though they originally came from outside sources—often a parent or caretaker.
These beliefs often have generational roots. One person in the family develops a negative self-belief as a result of their own trauma, and then it gets passed down through the generations. Unless someone actively works to interrupt the cycle, these beliefs can continue to affect each successive generation.
Here’s a powerful realization: These negative self-beliefs were never originally yours. They may have originated with an ancestor from a very long time ago and were passed down over the generations, sometimes decades or even centuries, often carried by culture, religion, or societal norms. These beliefs were never your own, which is just one more reason why they can feel so confusing and chaotic to you.
Identifying Your Family’s Negative Self-Beliefs and Mottoes
Take a moment to reflect: What were some of the negative family beliefs or mottoes that were regularly communicated, either overtly or implicitly, in your family? These beliefs and mottoes could relate to many areas, including money, sex, relationships, religion, or even your own worth.
Here are some common examples of negative family beliefs and mottoes:
- “You’re lazy.”
- “You’re not trying hard enough.”
- “You’ll never amount to much.”
- “You’re too sensitive.”
- “You’re just like [a relative].”
- “People who need help are weak.”
- “You’re too much/not enough.”
- “We don’t have time for play or rest.”
- “What will people think.”
- “We are only the [last name] family.”
What were the recurring messages in your family about how life works, or about who you are as a person? Recognizing these beliefs and mottoes is the first step in untangling their impact on your life.
Self-Care Exercise: Reclaiming Playfulness
Let’s take a moment to reconnect with your inner child. Play and relaxation were likely not priorities in a household where negative family beliefs and mottoes thrived. It’s time to give yourself permission to play, no matter your age. Play is an essential part of healing and reconnecting with yourself.
Here are a few playful ideas to get started:
- Try laughing for no reason at all—let your body giggle. You might be surprised at how natural laughter can feel after a few moments.
- Do something simple, like a puzzle or drawing, just for fun.
- Take a long, warm shower like you did when you were younger, letting yourself fully relax.
- Go for a walk—long or short, it doesn’t matter. The important thing is that it’s something you do for your own enjoyment.
- Stretch your body, even if you’re sitting down. Let your body move in playful ways.
- Smile—gently. Even if it feels unnatural at first, it can lead to a natural, organic smile.
Be gentle with yourself. Compassionate. Playful. And always, always loving.
Wrapping Up
Once you’ve taken time to engage in some playful self-care, I encourage you to continue exploring your family’s beliefs and mottoes and how they’ve impacted your self-beliefs. If you feel like you need support to work through these beliefs, consider reaching out to a local therapist who can help you process them in a safe, healing environment.
Thank you for taking the time to read and reflect. My hope is that this blog helps you uncover some truths about the ways negative family beliefs and mottoes have shaped your life, and that it leads you toward healing and growth.
You are enough. You are worthy. You deserve all the love and care you give to others.
May you continue to grow and heal, always.